Well I thought it was time for an update

Finally it arrived, a wee bouncing baby girl. But wait, I am getting ahead of myself, let me rewind to the start of labor.

Let me take you back to Wednesday around lunch time. It was a beautiful winters day and my son's girlfriend and I were sitting around filling our mouths with some of Phil's lovely cakes. Phil makes the best pies and cakes in the whole of NSW, but if you live around here you would already know that so I will continue.

As we were chomping on cupcakes I made a little joke about how New Zealanders love fucking sheep, that's where most of them got their course curly hair from. The girlfriend let out a little giggle and I could see pee running down her leg. At this stage all I could think of saying was "the joke wasn't that funny". Then she said it, those frightful words "my waters just broke". I didn't know what to do, so I lit up a smoke and took another swig of my beer. Beer, cake and pregnancy, what would we do without them?

Well 6 longnecks and a packet of ciggies later I decided to load the little heifer into the car and take her to the hospital.

I decided to go into the labor ward with her. I don't know why I bothered, because 6 pushes later it was all over. I could have been at home watching Dr Phil and finishing off the rest of the longnecks.



You would think that was the end of my good news right? Wrong! It gets better. I got my tax cheque back and decided to get married. I have 2 grand to spend on the best wedding EVER!!! The beer will be flowing and we will be eating the best damn pies and sausage rolls in the land.

Oh, and my brother Phil is going to make me a cheese cake for the wedding cake. Does it get any better than that?

More updates on the wedding soon.

More on the bump

I had cause to visit the school today because my son had some unexplained absences, the little scamp must be truanting again. He takes after his father in that respect, god rest his soul, we buried him 3 years ago.

I entered the playground and there she was on playground duty. Her long blonde hair gently blowing in the light Autum breeze, her nice tight top outlining a nicely rounded firm breast with perky nipples sticking out like strawberries atop a bowl of icecream, her black tight fitting jeans covering long firm sensuous legs. It was then that i spotted it, the bump. An ever so small but still noticable bump. I love the bump, bumps are good.

We locked eyes. I motioned towards her while she started her movment towards me, she was strutting, strutting like a hot model on a catwalk. Heads were turning as she swayed her hips, I can now understand why my son chose her to plant his seed in.

She smiled and I smiled in return, she nodded and I gave her the all-knowing wink. We chatted for awhile, talking about the bump, pregnancy and how exciting it will be to be a grandmother. Then it came out of the blue, she asked me to attend the birth. I was ecstatic at the thought of seeing that well formed body fully naked and the joy of seeing my grandchild come into the world.

Phil rang me today to tell me he has created a new range of sauces to sell with his pies. He is very secretive about the incredients used, he said he stumbled apon a unique taste. When I find out what it is I will post it here, so stay tuned.

I am still not talking to Ann. I have a family party to go to this weekend and I hope she stays at home. I hate that bitch.

Today my neighbour Jenny tried to sell me lamingtons to support her bowls club. 6 for $8, what a rip off. I told her to fuck off because I can get them for free from Phil. that's one person that wont be getting the recipe to the special sauces, stupid old pensioners and their bowls donations.

Today was a good day. I will update again as the BUMP gets bigger. I love the bump, the bump is good.

Grandma countdown

Today I found out am I going to be a grandmother for the first time. My son who is 15 is having a relationship with his teacher, well it's not his teacher but a teacher at his school no less, so I guess that makes it ok. I would be quite disgusted if it was one of his teachers.

Kids grow up so quick. It only seems like yesterday when I watched him enter the playground for the first time, Now he is a full grown man expecting his first child. My body is over flowing with emotion just thinking about the joy this baby will bring to my wee little man.

My brother phil was estatic when I rang him to tell him the news. Phil is a baker and owns his own pie shop and we often go there for free pies (his pies are outstanding and not to mention free). To think Phil always wanted to be a pilot as a child and now he owns his own shop, who would have thought?

I was going to ring my sister Ann and tell her the news but we don't talk anymore, not after that birthday party we had for aunt flo where Ann flashed her tits at my boyfriend. I swear that bitch wants to have sex with every man I date.

Now I'm rambling, aren't I? so I will finish this by saying "I will keep you updated".