Well I thought it was time for an update

Finally it arrived, a wee bouncing baby girl. But wait, I am getting ahead of myself, let me rewind to the start of labor.

Let me take you back to Wednesday around lunch time. It was a beautiful winters day and my son's girlfriend and I were sitting around filling our mouths with some of Phil's lovely cakes. Phil makes the best pies and cakes in the whole of NSW, but if you live around here you would already know that so I will continue.

As we were chomping on cupcakes I made a little joke about how New Zealanders love fucking sheep, that's where most of them got their course curly hair from. The girlfriend let out a little giggle and I could see pee running down her leg. At this stage all I could think of saying was "the joke wasn't that funny". Then she said it, those frightful words "my waters just broke". I didn't know what to do, so I lit up a smoke and took another swig of my beer. Beer, cake and pregnancy, what would we do without them?

Well 6 longnecks and a packet of ciggies later I decided to load the little heifer into the car and take her to the hospital.

I decided to go into the labor ward with her. I don't know why I bothered, because 6 pushes later it was all over. I could have been at home watching Dr Phil and finishing off the rest of the longnecks.



You would think that was the end of my good news right? Wrong! It gets better. I got my tax cheque back and decided to get married. I have 2 grand to spend on the best wedding EVER!!! The beer will be flowing and we will be eating the best damn pies and sausage rolls in the land.

Oh, and my brother Phil is going to make me a cheese cake for the wedding cake. Does it get any better than that?

More updates on the wedding soon.

Every grandmother should experience this

It's been awhile since my last update, I thought you guys might be desperate to find out how my son's little miracle is going.

Well. the bump is growing, growing real big. I can't believe how fast a little bump turns into a big bump. Bump is big, bump is good.

here is a picture of our bump:

Since my last update we went for our first scan. We decided to try out the 3D scan, these things are amazing. You can actually see what the baby looks like, I was very impressed. I was so thrilled to be part of the scan experience, every grandmother should experience it at least once in their life, it was totally amazing and I thank my future daughter in law for allowing me to be there. I can't wait to hold my wee little grandchild in the flesh. I have also been invited to be there at the birth, I can't wait for that.

Here are some of the 3D scan pics:

My brother Phil was so excited when I showed him the pics, he baked us a cake and on the top he wrote "Happy first scan". Phil is such a great brother, if he wasn't such a close relation I would be jumping his bones, I would be on him so fast, faster than a ferret on heat. Did I also mention how good a cook he is? His special sauce is to die for.

Oh, I must tell you a funny story about my future daughter in law. Because her bump is so big she finds it hard to see her feet. Well the other day I was at her place waiting for her to get ready because we were going shopping. She struggled to put on one jogger and then the phone rang. When she returned she picked up another jogger for the other foot and proceeded to struggle to put it on. While we were shopping I looked down at her feet to find that she had two different coloured joggers on, I chuckled to myself and didn't say a word, I didn't want to embarrass her. oh the joys of being pregnant and having a bump so big that you can't see your toes.

Stay tuned for more updates and pics.

More on the bump

I had cause to visit the school today because my son had some unexplained absences, the little scamp must be truanting again. He takes after his father in that respect, god rest his soul, we buried him 3 years ago.

I entered the playground and there she was on playground duty. Her long blonde hair gently blowing in the light Autum breeze, her nice tight top outlining a nicely rounded firm breast with perky nipples sticking out like strawberries atop a bowl of icecream, her black tight fitting jeans covering long firm sensuous legs. It was then that i spotted it, the bump. An ever so small but still noticable bump. I love the bump, bumps are good.

We locked eyes. I motioned towards her while she started her movment towards me, she was strutting, strutting like a hot model on a catwalk. Heads were turning as she swayed her hips, I can now understand why my son chose her to plant his seed in.

She smiled and I smiled in return, she nodded and I gave her the all-knowing wink. We chatted for awhile, talking about the bump, pregnancy and how exciting it will be to be a grandmother. Then it came out of the blue, she asked me to attend the birth. I was ecstatic at the thought of seeing that well formed body fully naked and the joy of seeing my grandchild come into the world.

Phil rang me today to tell me he has created a new range of sauces to sell with his pies. He is very secretive about the incredients used, he said he stumbled apon a unique taste. When I find out what it is I will post it here, so stay tuned.

I am still not talking to Ann. I have a family party to go to this weekend and I hope she stays at home. I hate that bitch.

Today my neighbour Jenny tried to sell me lamingtons to support her bowls club. 6 for $8, what a rip off. I told her to fuck off because I can get them for free from Phil. that's one person that wont be getting the recipe to the special sauces, stupid old pensioners and their bowls donations.

Today was a good day. I will update again as the BUMP gets bigger. I love the bump, the bump is good.

Grandma countdown

Today I found out am I going to be a grandmother for the first time. My son who is 15 is having a relationship with his teacher, well it's not his teacher but a teacher at his school no less, so I guess that makes it ok. I would be quite disgusted if it was one of his teachers.

Kids grow up so quick. It only seems like yesterday when I watched him enter the playground for the first time, Now he is a full grown man expecting his first child. My body is over flowing with emotion just thinking about the joy this baby will bring to my wee little man.

My brother phil was estatic when I rang him to tell him the news. Phil is a baker and owns his own pie shop and we often go there for free pies (his pies are outstanding and not to mention free). To think Phil always wanted to be a pilot as a child and now he owns his own shop, who would have thought?

I was going to ring my sister Ann and tell her the news but we don't talk anymore, not after that birthday party we had for aunt flo where Ann flashed her tits at my boyfriend. I swear that bitch wants to have sex with every man I date.

Now I'm rambling, aren't I? so I will finish this by saying "I will keep you updated".